It’s time to show the Christmas gifts to autistic children
On gifts and the autist 3/1.
Basically there are two types of people who aren’t happy when they receive gifts: those who did not learn this from their parents in childhood and those who lack this capacity by birth: autists.
How many times did it happen to you that your birthday or Christmas surprise was ignored by the receiver. It was received with a smiling face, and then dropped in the shed, or thrown on the ground or you were asked for the receipt so that it can be changed to something else. He/she did not receive what he/she wished for. Nothing happened as you planned. You were both disappointed. /It may be that after two days the person loved the gift, however for two days he/she was expressing dislike./
On the other hand, did you know before purchase what gift the person wished for? Did you catch the small hints or asked the person about it? Did your loved one know what he/she really wanted? Was he/she able to tell you? Does he/she like surprises at all?
There are some people who do not like surprises by default. There are some who lack the capability to properly digest unexpected situations. They are the autists. But don’t you think for a second that this is only a trait of the autist people. You don’t have to be an autist to not be happy when receiving a gift. What to expect from an autist if this capability is not developed in him/her or is buried too deep?
Foresight and making the foreseeable future predictable are the missing capabilities that frustrate the nerves of autists constantly. Up to the point when it manifests in a well visible burst of anger, rolling about on the ground or hand biting.
The good news is that in the early years that something can be brought to the surface, to some extent. This bringing to the surface requires complex preparation and a huge amount of time.
For us it took four years until Jack, an autist boy explicitly named what he really wanted for Christmas this year. It is the result of four years of hard work. But don’t you think that all we did for four years was ask what would you like for Christmas? And in the end he replied. It has nothing to do with this.
You should imagine the (successful) development of an autist child similarly to the bodybuilding method of Arnold Schwarzenegger: he didn’t train his biceps for two months, and then his triceps for two months, and then his back, but all his muscles each week.
Hopefully on Christmas Eve Jack will be happily playing with his scenic railway.
Knowing the autist person – be that a child or an adult – is the most important for peaceful gifting. The parents should turn to the autist child’s teachers, the girlfriend to the prospective mother-in-law or exes for advice as to when start presenting the souvenir.
It is a good idea to also show the autist person in time the gifts bought for relatives and friends, and the gifts that will be given to other members of the family, especially if those are large objects like a piano or a rowing machine.
These are the sort of things on which the Christmas spirit depends.
It is a basic thing to mark in your child’s / partner’s calendar that how many days are left until the event and what gifts will different people bring. This is how tension decreases and the picture of the predictable future proportionately becomes clearer. And the surprise and joy expressed in a unique way will not fail to happen. And this is what matters. The calm and happy family atmosphere.
Marti and Robert from Hungary
autism teachers
